CovieBabies
by cthulhu-2588
Summary: What was on the ramp in the ship the chief used to escape? One hint...Cuter then a grunt....


As the chief ran towards his getaway ship, he was in hot pursuit by a horde of Convenent and Flood warriors. After an amazing flight from the maw that the Pillar of Autumn had become, the chief escaped on a sleek black vessel. What he didn't notice at first was a ramp, a ramp that would lead to a new adventure. Shortly after turning off the engine and uploading Cortana into the ship he had taken, the chief explored the ship more thoroughly. When he went down the ramp, he discovered a large nursery and...  
  
Covie-Babies  
  
The chief found a small group of baby convenent. Four baby Eliets.One blue, one red, one black, and one gold. Three baby hunters. Jackal twins, (one shield blue, one shield yellow), and a half dozen of the cutest baby grunts this side of the Milky Way(Two red, Two orange, and Two black). The chief instinctively, and quite reflexively, drew a human pistol and aimed at one of the baby grunts. The grunt made a few going noises and crawled off.  
  
Cortana: Ya know, nothing is born evil.  
  
The chief turns away from the toddler terrors to be to speak with Cortana. With his back turned, one of the baby hunters charges the chief. Unfortunately, his helmet falls over his eyes, and he runs head-long into a wall. The other babies laugh at their young companion as he begins crying.  
  
Chief: Well, I guess they are kinda cute. I could train them to kill for me! Cortana: I was thinking, we could raise these children to love all organic life in the universe instead of hate it with a murderous passion. Chief: Well whatever, as long as I don't have to change the diapers. Cortana: I am but a computer generated image. I couldn't change a diaper if I tried. A ghost could change a diaper better then I could. Chief: Well ok. I'll just let the kids play here for a while.  
  
The chief flips a switch which activates a green energy shield surrounding the babies. Little does the chief know, when he turned on the energy shield, the other baby Hunter was lunging at him. He bounced against the shield and was flung backward into his friends, knocking them all out cold. The chief turns to look at the babies one final time before leaving them to their play time.  
  
Chief: Sleeping like little angles.  
  
After blowing a kiss to the 'sleeping' babies, the chief walks off. One of the babies, the golden Elite, raises his hand and gives the chief the middle claw. After a few minutes, the babies get up and dust themselves off. Now that the grown-ups were gone, they were free to speak.  
  
Gold Elite: That meanie is gowanna twy to change us to be nice. But, I don't wanna.  
  
Hunter #1: Mean Either.  
  
Grunts (as a group): Yeah! Unfair, stupid-head, cookie, meanie, poopie- face, ect.  
  
Hunter#2: Speaking of cookies, I'm hunguewie.  
  
Jackals #1&2(in unison): us too!  
  
Grunts (In unison): Cookie! Cookie! Cookie!  
  
Gold Elite: Well, let's go on a venture to get some cookies.  
  
Black Elite: But, how're we gonna get outta here?  
  
Blue Elite: I gotta idea! Come 'ere guys.  
  
The Elites gather together in a huddle and whisper amongst themselves for a few seconds; finally, they break free of the huddle and walk over to the grunts, now playing paddy-cake with one another.  
  
Red Elite: Hey guys, guess what.  
  
Blue Elite: We gotta super-secwet ta tell ya.  
  
Black Elite: Super-Dooper-Secwet.  
  
The grunts gather as close to the elites as they can without knocking heads. Then, the Gold Elite moves a bit closer to the six grunts.  
  
Gold Elite: Tha secwet is...  
  
All four elites scream the word, bomb as loud as they can. The grunts fall back on their bottoms to a sickening squish sound and begin scream-crying in a fit of confusion and fear. A pungent odor leaks from the Diapers of the Grunts. Within a few seconds, the chief runs into the room. He sees the grunts crying and smells the putrid air. After gagging, the chief turns off the energy shield and removes the six grunts one at a time. As he changes their diapers and calms them, The elite babies, hunter babies, and jackal babies, go to the kitchen. Everything is very big in the kitchen, and alone they would have never even seen a cookie crumb. The sound of the grunts crying in the background was a signal that the other babies were clear to take their prize. The babies decide to stack themselves up like in a cartoon they once saw in order to reach the cookies. One hunter on top of the other. The jackal twins were standing on each others shoulders with their shields on and supporting the weight of the elites. Blue on bottom, gold on top. The gold elite jumped onto the counter and started walking around. The red and Black elites were also on the counter. The black elite was the one who saw the jar. It was on the stove-top between the two back burners. The three elites walked over and took a side of the cookie jar. A few minutes later, the whole group was off down the hall, the cookie jar being carried by the two hunters. They almost made it back but, were met by Cortana.  
  
Cortana: What do you kids think you're doing? Those are really bad for you. Chief! Chief!  
  
Cortana left the babies on her search of the chief. The babies couldn't believe their luck. They returned to the nursery to find all six grunts happily playing Paddy-cake once more. The shield was up, but with a bit more group stacking, the tots were back inside of the playpen. They even found a way to close it from the inside so nobody would know they were gone. The Covie-babies happily ate cookies until all of the cookies were gone.  
  
Meanwhile, the chief was getting to know the rest of the ship.  
  
Chief: WOW! LOOK CORTANA! WE GET THE OUTDOOR NETWORK!....AND IT'S A BASSPROSHOP MARATHON!  
  
Cortana: Chief, we have important things to do. Get away from that damned..  
  
A commercial came on advertising Windows XP version Beta 24-99.  
  
Cortana: I need to go do some...programming.  
  
Cortana left the chief to his fishing show and went to the control room. A few hours passed and the chief remembered the babies..well, only because they were crying their eyes out. The chief went to see what was wrong. As he passed the control room however, he saw something he probably should not have seen. Cortana was doing it doggie-style with a blue human-shaped light. On his chest, the letters XP were to be seen. The chief barged in on his former adviser.  
  
Cortana: CHIEF! WAIT! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!  
  
The chief pulled out his pistol once more and aimed it at a terminal he labeled 'cortana'. After a gunshot, a scream, and an explosion, Cortana was gone. Cortana's voice was ringing in the chief's ear.  
  
Cortana: NO! WHY CHIEF WHY, I'M SORRY! PLEASE! NO! WHY CHIEF WHY!?  
  
The whole time, the babies cried in the background. The chief looked at the XP hologram  
  
Voice: MURDEROR! YOU KILLED HER!  
  
He didn't know weather or not it was his own voice, but he shot the terminal newly labeled XP. The blue human-shaped glow was gone. The chief knelt down and began sobbing.  
  
Chief: NOOOOOOO! WHY GOD WHY!?  
  
The chief broke open Cortana's terminal and held the motherboard. Still sobbing and asking god to explain his spell with insanity. Meanwhile the babies had stopped crying. They were watching the chief's dramatic performance.  
  
Jackle#2: Where have I seen this before?  
  
Jackel#1: Somebody's gettin' sued I know that.  
  
Blue Elite: What a drama queen.  
  
Inside the room, the chief was talking to himself while looking at a piece of paper he held in his left hand.  
  
Chief: I was in a computer game. Gun statistics hung over my head displaying my ammo and heat-ratio. Funny as hell, it was the worst possible thing I could think of...  
  
The babies no longer cared to hear the banter of the freshly insane. They decided to go on another 'adventure.' Well, they wanted to.but not only was it nap time, they were in need of a fresh diaper. Maybe if the chief wasn't pining over a computer program, they would be changed. However, the chief was still ripping off an older video game so the babies decided to cut their loses and sleep in a pile of their own filth. When the babies woke up, the chief was standing over them watching them sleep. The chief wasn't the same however. The babies couldn't quite put their paws/claws on it. Was it the green and white smock? Or was it the striped green and mauve socks? Or was it the fact that the chief applied make-up to his helmet? The babies couldn't tell, but the chief was obviously a very different person. His voice was even different.  
  
Chief (in a womanly voice): Oh, it looks like you've finally gotten up. Let me make you some sandwiches and juice.  
  
The chief walked off. Normally, his boots would have been heard as he walked along the hard floors. The purple slippers he now wore were eerily quiet. It seems losing Cortana took the chief to a plane of depression not even a Goth would feel. His life was spiraling on a collision course toward disaster.  
  
Red Grunt#2: Wow, that guys wheely fucked up.  
  
The other babies murmur in agreement to this statement.  
  
Hunter#1: So, now what're we gonna do?  
  
Jackals (in unison): Let's go on an venture!  
  
Black grunt#1: Yeah but what kind stupid.  
  
Jackle#1:..um..a good kind...dummy-head!  
  
Red Elite: Let's go find the blue-pwints to make some asmah gwenaids.  
  
The babies all agree in unison. After leaving the nursery, (the chief didn't put the shield up), the babies were on their way to the small chemical lab in the ship. On their way, they saw the chief gazing in the mirror singing 'I'm so pretty'. After a few minutes of a walk, the babies were in the lab. They began opening doors, looking inside jars and tubes, and just breaking things to find the blueprints they so seek. After an hour of searching, one of the hunters found what they were all looking for.  
  
Hunter#2: Look everyone! I found it!  
  
The gold elite looked at the blue-prints with a gleam in his beady black eyes.  
  
Gold Elite: OK! Let's get some stuff and make these gwanaids!  
  
The babies went back to the nursery. On their way back, they saw the chief talking to himself. He was holding a phone in his hand.  
  
Chief: The person on the phone wasn't making any sense...  
  
The babies didn't care to listen to the dated banter. So, they went onward to the nursery. After a few hours of work, they had succeeded in making one plasma grenade.  
  
Orange grunt#1: So, how does it work?  
  
Black elite: You just hold down those two blue buttons, and throw.  
  
The chief walked in holding a trey of cookies. He didn't see what the babies were up to. Out of shock, the grunt pushed the buttons. He screamed and ran toward the other grunts as the chief put down the trey. The chief had just fully stood when the grenade went off. The six grunts flew in different directions, as well as there blood. The one holding the grenade was flung into the chiefs arms. Chief: It's so cute. You know who your mommy is.  
  
The chief was obviously not paying attention to his surroundings or the grunt in his hands. The grunt's head fell off, and the room, (as well as the other babies), was colored in a bright blue coat of grunty blood. The chief dropped the grunt and walked off. One of the jackals began crying. The other babies just looked at each other.  
  
Hunter#2: So...wanna play blocks?  
  
The gold Elite slapped the hunter on his head.  
  
Gold Elite: Don't you see? This is war! We need to revenge our fallen dog- rags!  
  
The babies were not to sure what the gold elite was talking about, but they agreed all the same.  
  
Hunter #1: And get some more cookies!  
  
The gold elite slapped that hunter as well.  
  
Blue Elite: Well, do you have any ideas?  
  
Nobody spoke for a few minutes.  
  
Black Grunt#1: Let's color.  
  
Three grunts had survived the blast. One of each color.  
  
Gold Elite: Well, there's nothing better to do.  
  
The Covie-babies picked up some clean papers and some crayons and began coloring. After an hour and a half of coloring, the chief walked into the nursery carrying a trey of sandwiches and sipy-cups filled with juice. One grunt baby ran over to the chief and showed him.her.it's picture. The coloring was of the chief hung from a tree and full of bloody bullet holes. The chief patted the grunt on it's head and told it that it was 'quite the little artist.' The chief then put down the grunt and left the room.  
  
Hunter#2: I have an idea for our next a' venture! Let's go get some cookies!  
  
In unison, the four elite babies hit that hunter on his armor-plated head.  
  
Hunter #1: Let's go get some..  
  
Blue elite: If your gonna say cookies, then run into that wall with your head first!  
  
The hunter then proceeds to run headlong into the wall. A large dent is left behind.  
  
Red Grunt: I know! There's a big glass tube filled with candy som-wheres on the ship. Let's go get it!  
  
Gold elite: OK. I want candy more than cookies anyways.  
  
So, the Covie-babies leave the nursery once more. This time in search of candy.  
  
Jackle#2: So, what kind of candy is it?  
  
Red Grunt: I don't know. It was a yellow brown color. And it was squirmy.  
  
Black elite: Where was the candy?  
  
Red Grunt: I think it was in the room with the pwasma gwenaide bwue pwints.  
  
So, the Covie-babies continued their journey to the small lab. Inside the lab, they hoped to find the 'squirmy candy in the tube.' Will they find candy? Or will they find death? Find out.in a paragraph or two. As the babies made there way to the lab, they saw the chief in a room alone and in the dark. Again, he was talking to himself.  
  
Chief: .The flesh.of fallen.angels.  
  
Neither knowing nor caring about what he meant, the babies continued on. After a few more minutes of walking, the babies finally made it to the lab. They went inside and in moments, found the 'tube of yellow-brown candy.' The gold elite baby pushed a button on a part of the tube and the tube opened. Unfortunately, candy didn't spill from the tube. Instead, a 'flood' of infectious worms did. The babies tried in vein to escape from the flood. However, they were all killed by the infectious worms. Days later, the chief stumbled upon them. The babies were now a sickly yellow color. Tentacles had sprouted from their arms and other places on their bodies. They had become the flood. A grunt flood jumped on the chiefs head and began ebbing away at him. Instead of killing the chief though, it killed his insanity. The chief was aware of his surroundings once more. Very quickly, he killed the baby flood. Since they were but babies, they were very easy to kill. Just a few pistol bullets a piece.  
The chief then went to the room in which he killed Cortana. He looked at the large computer terminal and left the room. He came back a few minuets later, tools in hand. The chief then began to repair his one and only side-kick.  
  
After a few weeks of work, Cortana was completely repaired and any memory she might have had about the XP incident was wiped from her mind. The chief re-installed her into his helmet and sat at the cockpit of the stolen vessel.  
  
Cortana: Chief, there's a ship a few miles from here. Maybe we can get to them and tell them about the ring incident. Chief?  
  
The chief was already on his way to the new ship. As he approached the ship, He saw more then just that. He saw the Earth. The Earth, however, was different. Mushroom-clouds larger then most states could be seen. They were too late. The war had started. And now, only he could finish it.  
  
-End-  
  
To the viewing audience;  
This is one of my most dedicated works. If you have read any of my previous stories, then you know I am a more, light-hearted writer. I write of comedic irony and of events that are just plane silly. If you have read judge Cthulhu, then you must have a question or two about the story. Here is a brief explanation:  
  
If you don't know what Cthulhu is, then for the love of god read Lovecraft.  
  
As for the add; 'Leslie Stalking Kit', that is a running gag I share with my cousin. He had his heart broken by a girl named Leslie and just wouldn't stop pining.  
  
As for the placement of the story, I put it under Miami Vice because of the fact that there were no slots for Judge _______. So, I put it under the first thing which had to do with law.  
  
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little read.  
  
-Sincerely Yours-  
-Joe Eade- 


End file.
